Baby steps

Learning to walk again isn't as simple as you may think, I want to run before I can walk because I just want to be able to do everything now and get my life back but unfortunately that's not possible, we have to do things slowly and take all the little things into consideration, there are many important things that I need to think about,  so even when I feel like the physio is nagging me I've got to persevere and think of every little thing, such as my posture as having a strong core is key to standing/walking and also doing everything slowly and not rushing because it doesn't help even though I'd like to have everything back asap. Well slow and steady wins the race right? 

I have a great relationship with my physios, twice a week I have physio from the community stroke rehab team and once or twice a week I have private physio at a specialist neurotherapy centre, both are amazing. I always annoy them every time I see them and plague them with questions such as when will I walk, so when I was saying  this to my private physio the other day she just said "this afternoon" I obviously didn't believe her but we did it! I took some of my very first steps, it felt amazing but it was kind of bittersweet as it made me realise just how long it is going to take to get back to being fully normal, because when I start to walk I will probably  most definitely need to use something to help like a stick, and still wear my foot splint to keep my foot in the right position, we are also working on my arm and hand but I have accepted that they take longer to come back as more of your brain is needed for the use of them. My physio isn't just in physio believe it or not, I do it daily with my Mum as she has been taught some things from the physios and this all helps towards my rehab. 



 Me and mum have a CAN do attitude, I may not be able to do things like I used to but we always find a way around it and this really helps. Not having my left side is what hurts me the most, sometimes when we're out in my wheelchair I look around at all the young people walking about and I can't help but think why isn't that me, but I know I will get there thanks to my amazing physios and my Mum.

Understanding

There has been a few incidents where I have been completely shocked by people's lack of understanding towards my situation, an incident yesterday shocked me at how insensitive some people can be, before this I didn't realise how uneducated and oblivious people can be but now I do, having cancer isn't just having the horrible disease, there is physical and mental effects that come along with it. Everyone's cancer is different, but from my perspective it is a lot harder physically, and if it wasn't for the cancer, I wouldn't have had to have surgery which then left me with the effects of a stroke and the part of my brain that knows how to walk being damaged, I struggle with this everyday as not being able to walk means being stuck in a hospital bed in my house, or a wheelchair, and annoying stuff like at 17 year old having to have a stairlift Installed (which I can't even use but hoping that will be sorted soon)The effects of my mobility are I find what affects my mental state most, I always say to my mum it's not having the cancer that makes me upset it's what the cancer has done, like if it wasn't for cancer I would still be walking around like a normal teenager and that is what gets to me the most. Also, the treatment needed for cancer affects my physicality, for example, the chemo usually fatigues me, which is really annoying as I can't do as well as I would like to in physio when tired from chemo. 

I feel that no one truly understands the trauma of being a cancer patient, obviously it's hard to understand if you're not in this situation yourself but I feel like people need to be educated more so that they are a little more understanding, no one really gets that sometimes it's not just the awful disease you have, it can affect other things such as mobility, no one realises that you have to put your life on hold  and a lot of what was possible for you to do before isn't possible anymore because of being tired from treatment or because the cancer has changed your  body. I think people get that cancer is one of the most horrible things for someone to ever have to go through but they don't truly understand, they don't understand how tired you are when during a cycle of chemo, how you lose your appetite because things taste different or you feel sick. No one understands how upsetting it is for people with cancer to watch everyone else's lives go on whilst theirs has been put on hold, you can no longer do  that look fun like going to a foreign country for a holiday, especially when you can't even get a sun tan in your own country because of treatment, it really gets to me how many people seem to be completely oblivious to it all, I feel that the media really need to show how bad life as a cancer patient is and teach people, so then when people see others in a wheelchair with a shaved head, they don't just stop and stare or complain that they are getting In the way, they glance and then realise how upsetting it must be to be stared at and think of what that person must be going through.

Teenage Cancer Trust

At the start of my journey with Darren Lee, not having met anyone going through the same as me I felt lonely. 

TCT social events relieved a lot of my anxiety, talking to other teens who were going through the same thing as me made it all seem a bit easier. Like I wasn't alone. I had support and plenty of people to talk to not only at the socials but I got to know other patients on my ward, creating new bonds and friendships.

Each TCT ward has its own teenage cancer trust youth worker, who is very supportive and arrange the socials. Helping in making life in the hospital a little easier and more like home. They are always there for you to talk to and hold activities, to help let go and have some fun every now and then. 

TCT is more than just a  charity but they become very close to you, being there to support you from the start to the finish with your journey with cancer, thank  you TCT ❤

Chemo side effects

I am currently on my second cycle of chemo out of the 6 months of it, this dose is  stronger than what I've had before, there are many side effects to chemo, such as tiredness and fatigue which is one of the main things I feel, this can be annoying for me as all I want to do is physio and when I'm tired, that can prevent how hard I can work. Also it can affect your taste so I go off a lot of foods or something tastes different to me than it should do, also another side effect I get is sickness, I just feel sickly and a bit ew whilst on chemo (ew was the only word I could think of to describe it)